SUB-GENRES: Horror / Drama / Sexploitation / Mockbuster
DIRECTED BY: Justin Jones
WRITTEN BY: Leigh Scott (screenplay); Based on a novel by Jack Finney
PEW PEW: Nope.
CAT FOOD: People are frisky. Aliens are friskier.
Jack Finney’s novel The Body Snatchers and its concept left an indelible mark on me and, as such, the adaptations of the unique story always fascinate me. I believe that Invasion of the Body Snatchers and its subsequent remakes, however terrible some of them were, are staples of science fiction film. For my next several reviews, I plan to take you through all five of the takes on Finney’s idea.
I apologise in advance, this ain’t gonna be pretty.
It’s no wonder Finney’s name doesn’t appear anywhere on or in the fourth application of his concept, The Asylum’s 2007 mockbuster film Invasion of the Pod People. While the film does recall a few things here and there that amount to what I would consider reasonable homage, it’s mostly its own absurd thing. It takes the grand idea of a subversive alien invasion and turns it into a laughably dramatic booby fest. Once, we had Kevin McCarthy and Donald Sutherland. Now, we have cocaine and whures.
But hey, this is The Asylum, what the hell can you expect?!
Invasion of the Pod People is terribly slow, mostly uneventful, and quite painfully awkward at times (sometimes the acting is facepalm inducing). While the actual body snatchers concept takes a bit to get to, we get right down to business with the friskiness. This film makes outward use of sex to sell itself and it doesn’t miss a beat, pretty much beginning with a clothed, softcore sex scene. There is no suspense in the thing, and the only bit of remotely decent writing happens at the end. But who didn’t see that twist coming from fourteen miles away?!
Our main character, Melissa, works for a model agency (when she isn’t shagging her boyfriend) full of the cattiest women on the face of the planet and the most hilariously overacted male boss in the history of mankind (oddly, his terrible acting kind of succeeds in providing comic relief). There’s a big, cheesy meteor shower that causes several deaths, but we never see that action because it’s more important that we follow this agency and their plans to lure one of the top models in the area to sign a contract with them. Soon after this, the lady that seems to be like a supervisor gives each one of the girls a strange alien plant.
Subsequently, we awkwardly fumble our way through a sloppy, pointless narrative to find out that the plants very quickly grow into exact replicas of their owners. Once the growing process is complete, the sexually voracious pod people murder the original copy and replace them in their daily lives. Soon, Melissa and a couple of her best friends find themselves outnumbered right in the heart of Lesbian City, Lesbannon.
It’s really just easier if I can ask you just to assume this film is absolute garbage at its base, and then I can proceed to tell you the few things that might be consider sources of entertainment. I mean, if I went through the whole movie and detailed all of the bad there is to find in it, we’d be here all night. For instance, the special effects are ass. And by ass I mean (using the Scale of Ass that I defined in my review for Carnosaur) Larry King’s bony white ass. For instance, rather than craft an actual alien plant, someone went to the damn supermarket and selected the most alien thing they could find. So the alien plants are seriously just fucking ginger roots.
Oh, and the sound is atrocious. Seriously, in the exterior shots the dialogue is almost inaudible because you can hear fucking everything going on around the characters, including the fucking wind blowing. The main office where the ladies work seems to be in an attic over a factory. The whirring fans and ducts provide a serene overlay for their well-modulated voices to tuck under… NOT.
And if we’re gonna talk application of Finney’s concept? Dude, this is a model agency. Shit, and I thought a military base was a shitty idea! Plus, in the original film, the idea was that the pod people represented the apparently subversive nature of communism. If we’re to follow the same logic in this film, with all the lesbianing going on, we’d have to assume that here, the pod people could be seen to represent the supposedly subversive nature of homosexuality. It ain’t right labelling homosexuality in such a negative way, so I’m going to give this film the benefit of the doubt and assume it wasn’t going there.
So what’s good? Most of the ladies are very attractive and the boobies are some of the finest I’ve seen in a movie… and there are plenty of them. I like these boobies. Yeah. Sorry to keep mentioning boobies, but it’s the only thing earning Invasion of the Pod People the one star it’s getting. Great boobies. That’s all I’ve got.
So yeah, as a movie, Invasion of the Pod People is a pretty friggin terrible train wreck with some pretty, pretty girls in it. If you’re looking for anything resembling a movie, go on to something else. If you’re not really into hardcore, but are looking for your Invasion of the Pull the Pud People, however, you could be in luck.